This is a nicely written story. It was an elegant move to make the characters come from the 1950's, which still makes them sufficiently "contemporary", but of course totally unaware of the existence of Middle-Earth since the good professor's book has not yet been published. You should play the "clash of cultures" note more often, these are the most interesting moments.
My only slightly negative comment would be that you often "ignore" the main story, meaning that you just describe briefly what happened, even though that should, in my view, still be your main focus. I know this is a work of fanfiction, presupposing that every reader interested to read this would know the underlining plot, but my belief is that writing a story like that, one should always act as if The Book (i.e. LOTR) never existed.
Otherwise I enjoy reading your story, keep posting.
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 24, 2006 2:26 PM
It's a great idea to start out with the POV of the Fellowship. :-)
I really liked Legolas' explanation and the reactions of the others. Best was Pippin. I had to to grin so broadly at that.
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 26, 2006 10:19 PM
Nice chapter, if a trifle on the short side. I think Thomas was very brave to keep as calm as he did. And Aragorn and his brews vs. Aspirin ... *g* I'm looking forward to what Rebecca will say when she wakes.
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 26, 2006 10:26 PM
Poor Rebecca! Having to go in the bushes in the company of a strange elf ... though I think I know a number of fangirls who would have loved that. *g*
Well - I think now we know what happend on earth so they got where they are now. And now they are stuck in the middle of it, poor kids! At least Sam is cooking for them!
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 26, 2006 10:38 PM
Best chapter so far - I get the feeling that you are finding your pace with this one. Rebecca's thoughts about the books is a nice twist, and her interaction with Boromir is lovely. Also, how you let the two kids get to know each other. Really a nice approach to the theme of additional Walkers! :-)
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 28, 2006 11:07 AM
Here I am, procrastinating again ... I really enjoyed this chapter, especially the Aragorn/Rebecca scene and the swordfighting lesson.
This time I even have a little bit of concrit: At the beginning of this chapter you have a pretty long paragraph that was more 'telling' than 'showing'. It's a bit awkward and doesn't really fit the general style of this chapter. I think you could simply leave that paragraph off - most of what is in there comes up again in the rest of the chapter in a much more lively fashion.
And I noticed that you used "crestfallen" twice. It's a lovely word, but unusual, so readers easily pick up on repetitions. :-(
Oh, and ere I forget: "mother hen" Aragorn is simply priceless! *g*
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 28, 2006 11:52 AM
Hmmm ... Somehow I don't see a 17 year old boy - almost an "adult" - whose father was killed in WW2 to be so openly worried about the thought of killing men. I would rather have expected him to draw an easy parallel to the situation of WW2 - sort of like doing what his dad did, fighting for the Allied Forces ... only in Middle-earth.
Legolas and Rebecca are brilliant. *g* 25! Hehehe! And the interaction with the Hobbits is great, too. They must be the same "age" as Pippin, and only a little younger than Merry. Interesting connection!
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 28, 2006 12:24 PM
Hmm ... I'm still not convinced by Thomas' reaction. It feels too much like how we today look at WW2. Of course I don't know any 17 year old boys well enough to judge if his emotional reaction is accurately depicted, but from the kids - errr "young men" around that age that I *do* know, it feels a bit off.
I'd think he'd put up a brave face for Aragorn and Boromir. They seem to be the people he looks up to, he would not want to appear weak to them I think. Maybe he would show his doubts/fears to someone else? Frodo maybe?
His defiance later on - not being used to obeying instantly - feels much more authentic to me. In our world he's probably been a schoolboy who feels already all grown up and ready to take on the world. So he would not be used to the necessary "military" obedience in such situations - neither would the hobbits, for that matter. (That must have driven especially Boromir NUTS!)
I liked it very much how you gave Rebecca a bit of a moment of fame! :-)
All in all another exciting chapter: well-paced and well written.
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 28, 2006 12:40 PM
Snow! I'd love to have some snow now!
It has to be very weird for Boromir to be around a young woman of marriageable age in the wilderness.
I think for Aragorn it's easier to see treat her like a kid - what with his Elvish upbringing and his actual age. Same with Legolas.
But Boromir ... poor man!
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 Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:December 28, 2006 3:00 PM
Oh, the fight with the Orcs was well done! Go, Thomas! Go, Rebecca!
I'm sorry, but I'm not completely convinced by how you handled the scenes that are important and detailed in the books and the movies.
But I know it's very difficult to get a grip on that, it's a touchy balance between repeating what everyone knows anyway and changing too much - so I hope you don't mind that bit of criticism too much. I still enjoy your tale immensely, it's fresh, original and well-paced.
Yet I felt that narrative summary at the beginning of this chapter was a bit too long. May simply jumping into that scene with Frodo telling the others about his decision would have worked better?
And the scene with balrog at the end felt too short to me, and the kids were not quite frightened enough, I think.
I hope I'll soon have the time to read the next chapter!
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