Imhiriel, what a lovely story. You have imagined characters'states of mind on the journey to Valinor somewhat differently than I might have thought, but they are all quite convincing. I like the idea of Galadriel being so resilient, and that she would attempt to prop up Elrond and reassure him. Before reading your story I would have imagined a more subdued Galadriel approaching Valinor, conflicted pride, etc. It's nice to think of her closing one chapter of a life quite well-lived by eagerly pressing on to the next chapter.
I also really liked your depiction of Elrond, and the concerns he would have had on the journey.
One small question: the story is from Gandalf's POV, right? Is it right that Olórin's "human" form is mortal? As Gandalf, Olórin lived in Middle Earth unchanged for centuries, and while his Gandalf form was not eternal (he had existed as himself before he assumed that shape, and could exist in Valinor without it) I'm unclear as to whether it was actually "mortal."
It's a lovely vignette overall!
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