I am a little curious to know why you left Eonwe out of your story. You included all the other Maiar, but not him. Considering he, not Olorin, was the Herald of Manwe, I would have thought he'd be worth a mention. I'm honestly not sure what to make of your story. It is well-written, but the female character Lindaril borders on a Mary Sue, not that this is a hanging offence of course, but all the same attributing bad deeds, doubts, fears and uncertainties to a character hovering on the edge of Mary Sue-ness doesn't necessarily drag them back from the brink. Also those mortals who were allowed to go to Valinor weren't granted immortality, just healing for the ills of being a Ringbearer and in Gimli's case, I imagine Galadriel made a special case for him with the Valar. On the plus side, apart from the good writing, I quite liked your idea about the power of the Maiar being expended in the battle of the heavens and the Valar now having to search for them again. Yet again, given that Tolkien firmly stated that the Valar, Maiar and Elves were bound to Middle-earth until the very end, I find the notion of sundering them from ME and any evil altogether makes them rather redundant, which is a shame.
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